i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize