I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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