you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
