I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
