I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
