I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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