I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize