Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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