I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
