I'm gonna have a badass scar
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
