Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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