you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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