I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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