I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
