I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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