My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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