Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
