got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
