My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
