Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
