I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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