It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
