my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
