i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
