she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
