About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
