She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
