you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
