I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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