so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize