Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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