If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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