You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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