: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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