This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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