Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
