still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
