sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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