I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
