You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
