and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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