oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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