This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
