part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
