I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
