the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
