Your mouth is God's brothel.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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