the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
