I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
