I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
