its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
