Your face is a jimmy john
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
