Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
