May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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