Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The Olympian is in my bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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