Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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