I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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