when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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