Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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