What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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