rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
