from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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