I wish I could teleport
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
