Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
