Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
