i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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