Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
