Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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