That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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