she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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