sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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