i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
