I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
