12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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