i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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