I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
