I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize