I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
