For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
