They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
