Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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