He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
