Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
